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How to survive the interview circus

How to survive the interview circus

How to survive the interview circus

Welcome to the interview circus. Now, allow me to introduce you to a new side of yourself. This side of you is submissive, cooperative, compliant, humble and helpful.

These are all the qualities you will need in abundance to get through the next few months.

Most people commence the interview process with firm visions of a couple of quick friendly chats followed by a rampant handshaking, backsplapping session, after this you are presented with a perfect contract and golden handshake directly from the CEO himself, aka the lord God.

But somewhere along the way this scenario becomes blurry and gives way to a vision that involves a torture chamber and leaves you feeling like you have been raped sideways with a Christmas tree, by some-one with a penchant for sadism.

I have managed the process thousands of times and want to set your expectations accordingly.

The author of this Telecoms London article is an expert recruiter, through and through,

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Just to get 1 measly job you are likely to have to answer the same questions, over and over to over 10 people. These people might include:

  • The CEO
  • The VP
  • Your direct manager.
  • The techie guy.
  • Peer interview.
  • Several HR people
  • Several recruiters.

By agreeing to be interviewed you are giving a whole array of people carte blanch to vet and grill you to their hearts content and the worst thing about it all is that you have to pretend to like it. If you were in that torture chamber you would literally be shouting AGAIN, AGAIN!! with great gusto.

Even as you enter the interview arena, prepare to:

  • Work harder than superman on speed.
  • Be interrogated Jack Bauer style.
  • Nod and smile – A LOT
  • Jump through more flaming hoops than a circus actor on steroids.
  • Master the art of sucking up. Ideally you should be able to suck a tennis ball through a straw.
  • Become accustomed to kissing ass, lots of ass.
  • Regurgitate the same polished answers, over and over while making it sound like they are the only person who has ever asked you.
  • Stroke the egos of the biggest prima donnas, megalomaniacs and psychofants on the planet.
  • Tell people what they want to hear, verbatim
  • Hear more cliché interview questions than you even thought existed.
  • Bend the truth.
  • Think one thing say another.
  • Get smeared against the back wall of the interview room.
  • Have a smiley HR bod get her claws right under your skin.
  • Have a pound of flesh ripped out, without you feeling anything.

The most important thing you need to understand is your objective of getting the role you want. You will get fed up of performing over and over. It’s almost like the interview process is designed to demoralise, point out flaws and knock the stuffing out of you. Which of course it is. The whole point is to show up unworthy Candidates and eliminate them. So it’s all about your expectations here, if you expect to get treated like this you can manage the process to your best advantage, if you start off with the golden handshake scenario you will fail, miserably.

Certain people play the game exceptionally well and come up smelling of roses, it’s these people who end up with the best telecoms jobs. But certain personality types try to buck the trend and somehow change the interview circus. You will break yourself trying and ultimately you are only wasting your own time and squandering good jobs. This is counterproductive.

It is what it is, so make the best of it. Give in, succumb, wantonly embrace every cheesy question, like a dutiful puppet walk the walk, talk the talk. Suppress the urge to laugh, scream or cry as some-one asks you for the 100th time “what are your strengths and weaknesses”. View every interview as a priceless opportunity to showcase your best talents. Enthusiastically play everyone around you to your best advantage and when the curtain comes down you will win a standing ovation every time.