Glossary of Terms for Sales People
A – All hands. This is what happens when the sales cycle goes wrong. Like a tacky whodunit, all hands point at you.A – Aggressive. This is how you are expected to sell. In actual fact most clients would run a mile.
B – Bull – this is what your boss throws at you to justify why this quarters target is 75% higher than last year.
B – Bonus. This is mostly an imaginary utopia.
B – Bag an elephant. Like the gold at the end of the rainbow. While you invest time bagging your elephant you miss your Q1 target and get fired.
C – Cooking the books – this is what happens at the end of your month when you are 2 sales from hitting target.
C – Carrying a bag. This is a euphemism that means you spend 300 hours in airports and on planes for meetings that last 2 hours.
C – Contacts. Obviously your rolodex has more contacts in it than New Zealand has people.
C – Cold calling AKA torture, dress it up as you will, throw in soft facts, call it networking, it still sucks.
D – Devil incarnate, this is what happens to your boss when you have to break it to him that the customer did not sign your contract.
E -Evasion. This is what you do when your customer gets on the phone complaining that the product doesn’t do what you said it would.
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F – Flick, this is what you get for missing target.
G – Goals. You live eat sleep and die by your goals.
G – Grilling. Jack Bauer style torture, this is what happens when you miss target.
G – Go to market plan. These are normally a fictional story conjured within the bosses imagination of what could happen if every person on the planet dropped everything and spent all their money buying your product. (in his mind its reality)
H – Hauled over the coals. Your boss believes its good to do this often, just to keep you on your toes.
I – Incentives. This is the carrot on the stick that. The stick is generally so long that you fall down trying to grasp it.
K – Kicking down doors. This is a euphemism that means get out there and force people to buy our product.
L – lies. This is what you resort to when your client decides against your product after months of buttering them up.
M – Money. This is your number 1 motivator, you can sniff out an unachievable target at 50 paces.
M – Market share, this must be at least 100% or your boss will chalk it up to your performance.
M – Marketing. This is generally promised but not delivered. I mean why would you need brand awareness, you’re a seller, right?
N – Nodding and smiling. This is what you do when their technical geeks grill you with questions about the product you don’t know.
O – Outrageously exaggerated commission structure.
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P – Pulling out all the stops. This is what happens when you are 2 units away from target at quarter end.
P – Presidents club. This is a mythical inner circle to be aspired to. Most salesmen only get to look in from the outside.
Q – Quarter end. This is what looms fast if you are behind target.
Q – Quotas These are mostly written in the realms of fantasy.
S – Success. You live to be successful but your success is as perceived by your boss and the boss keeps moving the bloomin goalposts.
S – Schmoozing. Wining and dining, getting the client well oiled, the drunker they get, the more likely to sign?
T – Targets. Technically, these could be achievable. If everyone loved your companies products as much as your boss, who invented it.
U – Unstoppable. This is what you would have your boss believe you are.
W – Win. This is your drug of choice. It can be hard to come by.
Y – Young and hungry. This is what most bosses ask for. They then get a spotty young kid without any contacts and wonder why he cant make a single sale.
Z – Zesty or zany. These sorts of buzz words are used liberally in the office as motivators when the boss is too tight to offer a real incentive.